


Hate

by alialialialiali



Category: Original Work
Genre: Confessions, Depression, Hate, Inhuman, Letter, Original Character(s), Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10613814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alialialialiali/pseuds/alialialialiali
Summary: I hate myself





	

I hate myself. It’s nothing new. If I were to make a list containing the most violent and inhuman people in history on a scale whom was worse, even amongst the likes of Hitler I’d be the worst. I know how bloody illogical it is, I do. But it does not help one bit in the end. I just hate myself.

I am so utterly unhappy that it’s hard for even me to grasp. I can feel joy for short moments of time in between but it’s never going to last. I constantly think about harming myself. Hell, **sometimes I do**. But never bad enough that it cannot be explained away and never made so it will leave permanent marks. I may be an idiot but I’m a smart idiot.

Sometimes I think about telling someone but in the end, I don’t. I don’t want anyone to worry, that is supposed to be my job. I am always supposed to be the strong one because I know that I am unlike everyone else. While they are beautiful flawed humans I am something else.

I am the monster that you walk past, you talk to. Hell, you might think you like me. But you cannot see the inhumanity within me for it is hidden from any others eye not even the people I let in close can see it. And in that one thing I take pride. While I hate myself I must admit that I’m very good at fooling everyone. I hate it though when I notice I have said to much and people worry, sure they still only know a small fraction of my pain and sorrow but I don’t want them knowing what they can’t handle.

I know that I am not allowed to break and I know that I am crumbling still. I know that I need to tell someone but also I know this, if I do not choose well this will be well known. I must take someone whom I trust to keep their silence. I must take someone whom will not show me pity. I must choose someone whom will not demand to know everything. I most definitely must remember to take someone who will not break themselves.

This is why you are reading this. This is why I let you see some more. And I ask of you to please have mercy on me because I have made sure I can excuse this away if you tell but I hope that you don’t. Thank you for reading and letting me ease the burden. Thank you. I’m sorry.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Important Questions and Why We’re Called Humans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720055) by [horsesandrobotsandtimelordsohmy (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/horsesandrobotsandtimelordsohmy)




End file.
